“The best time to give children your advice is when they are young enough to believe you know what you are talking about.” Author unknown
That’s when the shit really zeroes in on a parent.
With that thought in mind as you maneuver through your days with those little crumb droppers’ start…
- Those middle of the night feedings and scary dreams.
- Those little ‘I Hate You’ that come out of there sweet little mouths.
- Those poopy diapers.
- Those throwing up in the middle of the night.
- Those times that they embarrass you at the super market.
- Those little spats with their siblings.
- Even those teenage years are easier when they are turning your hair gray and causing all those sleepless night.
You thought they were going to shorten your life span when they were small…
Let me tell you as adult kids you better prepare yourself for bolts of lighting aimed directly at you.
Unless you have a plan the damage they are going to inflect on your heart or budget is enough to drive you to an early grave.
Here is the plan…
- When they are small always remind them they are not through with their education, until after college.
- Do not pay for all of their college education, if they have student loans they are going to appreciate that education more and this will hopefully make them responsible for the repayment of those student loans.
- By having that college degree they have a better chance of being able to support themselves, rather than sucking your retirement account dry.
- Start saving now (not for that college education) but for their homeless years. You are going to have a choice of whether they move back in with you or you pay their rent until they get back on their feet.
- Do not try to talk them out of marrying that dirt bag or floozy, because that will just make them move up that wedding date. (At this point you might want to put some money aside for that divorce later.)
- I know you want those grandkids, but don’t hurry them, because you might end up raising them too.
- Do not try to give them any advice, unless they reallllly want and ask for it. After all there is always the internet and they can Google anything to get advice from strangers.
- When it comes to their sibling. OPT- OUT OF ANY CONFLICT. When in doubt plead the 5th amendment.
- Never, never take sides in these conflicts. Yes, you are going to get accused of doing this and when that happens, hold down Ctrl+Alt and click the Delete button until the air clears.
Air clearing does take time, so work on your hobby while waiting for that adult child to rewind and figure out how to get there head back in the right place..
You though you needed patience’s when they were small, dude you need to turn up the volume on patience’s when they are adults. They can terrorize you for days and days by being silent.
Learn to enjoy that silences….
They can be hazardous, so…
- DO NOT open any emails they may send. Just hit the DELETE button. Trust me it is not something that you want to read. The nasty’s can jump out and bit you when least expected.
- Don’t put texting on your phone, unless you are willing to give up a normal telephone conversation. The reason they text even their friends is because they really don’t want to talk to them. They will do the same to you too.
- Do not take anything they say or do personal. They can be like a scary dream and if you react to it in the wrong way a tornado will arrive full forces. We are talking about an F5.
- At all cost KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
- I know that can be hard, but I’ll tell you from experience it is really deadly if you ever respond to their anger wrong.
- If they get really pissed off and try to use the grandkids against you, use that money you were saving for them if they hit a crisis for a good lawyer. Grandparents to have rights.
As for those family gathering….
Always stock up on the booze beforehand, but put a limit on what the adult KIDS can drink.
As for yourself drink up, but remember to keep your mouth shut…
They are not good at seeing you as a parent having a lot of fun. (Just walk around with a smile on your face at all time.)
This confuse them and it is hilarious to watch their faces.
When all else fails…
Rekindle that romance with your spouse. It is a fantastic way to take your mind off those children that you thought you always wanted.
If it gets too bad, move and don’t leave a forwarding address.
You can always Skype the grand kids. They love modern technology. And then you get to look at those smiling faces, knowing that someday they are going to turn into their parent’s payback.
After all you made it through those terrible two’s and don’t forget about those mouthy teenage years.
If yours haven’t hit those teenager years yet, you might want to look at adopting them out when they get there with an option to visit your grandkids someday.
(There is a good chance you may have to pay someone to adopt them, so be prepared for that.)
Always remember “If it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger.” So by the time you are 90 you maybe be pretty damn strong.
Funny thing is ‘We do keep loving them.’ That is one thing they cannot take away and this makes me HAPPY.
With that said, how are you doing with those adult kids?
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