How To Prepare Yourself for Adult Kids Without Using A Rewind Button

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“The best time to give children your advice is when they are young enough to believe you know what you are talking about.”  Author unknown

 You think you have it bad when your kids are little.  Forget the wine you are going to want the hard stuff after they become adults.

That’s when the shit really zeroes in on a parent.

With that thought in mind as you maneuver through your days with those little crumb droppers’ start…

Enjoying….

  • Those middle of the night feedings and scary dreams.
  • Those little ‘I Hate You’ that come out of there sweet little mouths.
  • Those poopy diapers.
  • Those throwing up in the middle of the night.
  • Those times that they embarrass you at the super market.
  • Those little spats with their siblings.
  • Even those teenage years are easier when they are turning your hair gray and causing all those sleepless night.

You thought they were going to shorten your life span when they were small…

Let me tell you as adult kids you better prepare yourself for bolts of lighting aimed directly at you. 

Unless you have a plan the damage they are going to inflect on your heart or budget is enough to drive you to an early grave.

Here is the plan…

  1.  When they are small always remind them they are not through with their education, until after college.
  2.  Do not pay for all of their college education, if they have student loans they are going to appreciate that education more and this will hopefully make them responsible for the repayment of those student loans.
  3. By having that college degree they have a better chance of being able to support themselves, rather than sucking your retirement account dry.
  4. Start saving now (not for that college education) but for their homeless years.  You are going to have a choice of whether they move back in with you or you pay their rent until they get back on their feet.
  5. Do not try to talk them out of marrying that dirt bag or floozy, because that will just make them move up that wedding date.  (At this point you might want to put some money aside for that divorce later.)
  6. I know you want those grandkids, but don’t hurry them, because you might end up raising them too.
  7. Do not try to give them any advice, unless they reallllly want and ask for it.  After all there is always the internet and they can Google anything to get advice from strangers.
  8. When it comes to their sibling.  OPT- OUT OF ANY CONFLICT.   When in doubt plead the 5th amendment.
  9. Never, never take sides in these conflicts.  Yes, you are going to get accused of doing this and when that happens, hold down Ctrl+Alt and click the Delete button until the air clears.

Air clearing does take time, so work on your hobby while waiting for that adult child to rewind and figure out how to get there head back in the right place..

You though you needed patience’s when they were small, dude you need to turn up the volume on patience’s when they are adults.  They can terrorize you for days and days by being silent.

Learn to enjoy that silences….

But look out for the minefields…

They can be hazardous, so…

  • DO NOT open any emails they may send.  Just hit the DELETE button.  Trust me it is not something that you want to read.  The nasty’s can jump out and bit you when least expected.
  • Don’t put texting on your phone, unless you are willing to give up a normal telephone conversation.  The reason they text even their friends is because they really don’t want to talk to them.  They will do the same to you too.
  • Do not take anything they say or do personal.  They can be like a scary dream and if you react to it in the wrong way a tornado will arrive full forces.  We are talking about an F5.
  • At all cost KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
  • I know that can be hard, but I’ll tell you from experience it is really deadly if you ever respond to their anger wrong.
  • If they get really pissed off and try to use the grandkids against you, use that money you were saving for them if they hit a crisis for a good lawyer.  Grandparents to have rights.

As for those family gathering….

Always stock up on the booze beforehand, but put a limit on what the adult KIDS can drink.

As for yourself drink up, but remember to keep your mouth shut…

They are not good at seeing you as a parent having a lot of fun.  (Just walk around with a smile on your face at all time.)

This confuse them and it is hilarious to watch their faces.

When all else fails…

Rekindle that romance with your spouse.  It is a fantastic way to take your mind off those children that you thought you always wanted.

Dyaa Eldin Moustafapicture by Dyaa Eldin Moustafa

If it gets too bad, move and don’t leave a forwarding address.

You can always Skype the grand kids.  They love modern technology.  And then you get to look at those smiling faces, knowing that someday they are going to turn into their parent’s payback.

Above all…

Stay strong

After all you made it through those terrible two’s and don’t forget about those mouthy teenage years.

If yours haven’t hit those teenager years yet, you might want to look at adopting them out when they get there with an option to visit your grandkids someday.

(There is a good chance you may have to pay someone to adopt them, so be prepared for that.)

Always remember “If it doesn’t kill you it makes you stronger.”  So by the time you are 90 you maybe be pretty damn strong.

Funny thing is ‘We do keep loving them.’  That is one thing they cannot take away and this makes me HAPPY.

With that said, how are you doing with those adult kids?

Join the conversation in the box below.

P.S. No need to buy a membership at the gym, when it gets too much go out in the yard and pull those freakin weeds.  You’ll feel better.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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Comments

  1. Hi Debbie,

    This is a fabulous post!! Such honest words….such a cute expression!! I know they are coming from an experienced mother!! I loved each and every word and was tempted to come into this box before reaching the end but then I told myself- patience, dear! more is in store and you are so right!! KEEPING THE MOUTH SHUT may be so hard but that is the only way to carry on with our peace of mind.

    Isn’t it so unfair? We loved them all those years of raising them with the best of our ability and resources and we love the grandchildren too with greater zeal but what do they give back? Resilience, patience and love and more love…that is all and that is what I call selfless love!

    Thanks for sharing…gives me so much of satisfaction that I have been a good mother and trying to be the best grandma!
    Balroop Singh recently posted…Hope Is Alive!My Profile

    • Hi Balroop,

      Thank you for the kind words. Glad that you like it and kept reading.
      It does appear with adult kids and sometimes even small kids that life doesn’t seem fair, but I guess it all comes down to the love.
      Love is patient and understanding and not demanding. And yes it is most of all ‘selfless love’. We do our best and always hope for the best as the years go by.

      As for the grand kids, as they are getting older my house is like Las Vegas, ‘what happens at grandma’s stays at grandma’s house. Though I have to say the adult kids do understand and give me a lot of leeway. But I make them tow the line when needed. Funny thing about that is those grand kids will request to come over if they haven’t been here for awhile. Thanks for stopping by and have a great week.
      Hugs,
      Debbie
      Debbie recently posted…How To Prepare Yourself for Adult Kids Without Using A Rewind ButtonMy Profile

  2. Dear Debbie –

    This is absolutely, positively one of your best posts.

    MUCH needed by those of us with adult children.

    This is the most important to me –

    “At all cost KEEP YOUR MOUTH SHUT!
    I know that can be hard, but I’ll tell you from experience it is really deadly if you ever respond to their anger wrong.”

    Hard to do – but the only thing you have control over.
    Corinne Edwards recently posted…WHEN YOUR HUSBAND HAS DIED – Changes – on AmazonMy Profile

  3. Thank You Corinne! I have found the KEEPING THE MOUTH SHUT is the hardest. That is one mistake you will never make twice. LOL
    Deadly is a good way to put it Corinne.
    Thanks for sharing and maybe I should be offering free duct tape to parents that are new having adult kids. What do you think?
    Now that I think of it, that would be a great idea for us parents with adult kids to carry duct tape with us and when we get in the wrong conversation per say we could just pull out the duct tape and put it on our mouths. That would really throw them. LOL I’ll let you know if a try it.
    Thanks again and have a great weekend. It is always great hearing from you. 🙂
    Hugs,
    Debbie
    Debbie recently posted…How To Prepare Yourself for Adult Kids Without Using A Rewind ButtonMy Profile

  4. That a long list, Debbie.

    It’s like a user manual for old folks. I like the way you handle situations. Always cool and steady.
    Raymond Chua recently posted…K2 Tuition in Johor 2014 年,一年级补习招生My Profile

  5. Thanks Debbie,

    These are good rules to follow. It can be hard navigating an “adult” relationship with someone who sometimes reverts to being a child when it suits them!

    I do not have grandchildren yet and can only hope that we will all sail smoothly along to a happy land when they do arrive!

    Thanks again,

    Anne
    AnneV. recently posted…Habits Can Change Your LifeMy Profile

    • Hi Anne,
      I like that, “It can be hard navigating an “adult” relationship with someone who sometimes reverts to being a child when it suits them!” This is very true. As adults they haven’t forgotten how to try to put you on the guilt trip at times.
      As for the grandkids, the rules have changed on that. Sleep them on there back at all times, NO powders. Lots of other rules to, but that needs to be another post.
      Just remember to keep smiling as they are telling you all the rules before they walk out the door to leave you to babysit.
      Life is fun and yes you can sail smoothly along to happy land as long as you keep the humor close by.
      Thanks Anne for sharing and have a wonderful week.
      Debbie
      Debbie recently posted…How To Prepare Yourself for Adult Kids Without Using A Rewind ButtonMy Profile

  6. Beat Schindler says:

    “The best time to give children your advice is when they are young enough to believe you know what you are talking about” – couldn’t agree more. Learning is important (at any age), but even more important I think is from whom you learn. To learn about parenting, your blog is definitely a place to learn from one who knows what she is talking about – great advice.

    • Hi Beat,
      Thanks Beat for the kind words. having been a single parent most of there lives, sometimes it was trial by error, but it worked out. As for the adult children, one of the hardest things I have had to learn is the letting go part.
      Yes, it is very important that you keep and eye out on what they are learning and from whom. As they get older it is so important to keep track of there friends.
      Thanks again and have a wonderful week.
      Debbie

  7. Hi Debbie,

    What you said here…

    “If it gets too bad, move and don’t leave a forwarding address”

    Thanks for the exit plan! Although my boys are only 5 and 2 it’s nice to be prepared. Thank you 🙂

    Naomi
    Naomi recently posted…1 Smart way for Keeping Old Content New Using This WordPress PluginMy Profile

  8. Very true. Kids aren’t all they’re cracked up to be. However, when they’re good and they make you happy, it’s a thrill like no other.
    Anne recently posted…Confidence Building AidesMy Profile

  9. Very true Anne. And the good times sure do out number the hard time.

    With out kids life could get pretty boring is the way i look at it. Have to love the excitement they can create.
    Thanks for sharing your thoughts and have a wonderful day. 🙂
    Debbie
    Debbie recently posted…How To Prepare Yourself for Adult Kids Without Using A Rewind ButtonMy Profile

  10. Debbie

    Your best post yet – excellent!

    Where was this advice when I needed it!

    ‘Move and don’t leave a forwarding address’. Have thought about that one many times…just not sure I could do it!

    Andrew
    Andrew recently posted…How To Stay Focused When Working From HomeMy Profile

    • Thank You Andrew for the excellent report.
      As for moving away and not leaving a forwarding address, will things do have to get pretty bad to do that (not sure I could do it either, but it sure sounds like fun some times.)
      Now if you can’t do that take a long vacation or as you say across the pond ‘holiday’ with no cell phone reception.
      Sorry to be slow with the advise, but no worries you still have those adult kids and there may come a day when you are still going to need it. You never know day to day with these adult kids. They can be like an unexpected storm sitting on the horizon.
      Thanks for the smile with your comment. 🙂
      Debbie
      Debbie recently posted…How To Prepare Yourself for Adult Kids Without Using A Rewind ButtonMy Profile

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