I Was Married To A Child Molester And Didn’t Know It

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my storyThis a hard post to write, but if it can save one child from the horror of being molested it is worth telling.

It goes like this…

At the time I was coming out of a broken engagement and my heart was searing in pain. I was wounded and vulnerable.

Then an extended family member introduced me to a relative that was just getting out of the service

Oh, he was a smooth talking play boy (all talk, but no action, which you will find out as you read) and knew all the right things to say and do.

I was just a young pup and he was a full grown blood hound ready to bounce on his prey.

Targeting me like a missile that was being launched.

The jaw-dropper was that his name was the same as my lost love.

That was a killer…

I jumped into the relationship hoping to forget and using him like an escape hatch.

I thought my heart would heal if I moved on quickly…

Within 6 months we got married… (Yes, I know I was about as dumb as a block of wood, sitting on a shelf not realizing I could turn myself into something beautiful and useful.)

He was very much a gentlemen and charmer. (There is such a thing as to much of a gentlemen I learned later.)

When I would go to delight him with one of my kisses, he would pull me back, give me a peck for a kiss and say, “I want to save that for when we get married.”
(That should have been an eye opener, after all who in their right mind doesn’t go for those breathtaking kisses.)

But NO…

I thought I had found a wonderful, loving, caring gentleman.

OK, back then they didn’t have Google, so I couldn’t look up…

‘SIGNS OF A CHILD MOLESTER’ or  ‘COULD YOU BE DATING A CHILD MOLESTER.’

There was NO honeymoon after the wedding ceremony…

We had a little apartment we went to and I was told, “I’m really tired.”
(I always thought it was the woman that was supposed to say that..)

Before I even realized what was happening, he found a job in another state and moved me away from my family.

I felt like he was in control of our relationship and I was just tagging alone like a little puppy on a leash.

Within 6 months he joined the Air Force again not even talking to me about this big change.
(If you have never been in the military, military life is like you are on another planet.)

For this good old country girl it felt like the world was out there and I could see the people, but I was not part of them anymore.

We were than based in North Carolina…

He kept himself busy, but always found time to introduce me to other families with children and tell me to make friends with them. (He was setting me up to be his middle woman for his horrifying actions.)

Next thing I know he is deployed overseas, leaving me to fend for myself in this strange world.

One good thing about it, I wasn’t going to miss having a sex life, cuddles and kisses, because there wasn’t much of that going around.
When he did arrive home after being overseas for 6 months there were no hugs and kisses.
In fact I felt as popular as a fart in an elevator, eh!

It really sucked…

As I watched all the other couples coming home kissing and hugging showing love to each other. This horrifying excuse for a human being didn’t even want to hold my hand.

Next came a tour of duty overseas. (Which he had put in for without discussing it with me.)

He then dumps me off in my home town and tells me that he’ll let me know when he finds a place for us to live.
Than I can come over and join him.

One month later he calls my brother and tells him to let me know that he wants a divorce.

I think I went into shock when I heard this, since I really didn’t believe in divorce (at that time).

With my brain feeling like it had just been taken out by a land mine…
I boarded an airplane and flew half way around the world to surprise him and try to save this marriage.

Oh, yes he was surprise…

After putting his teeth back in his mouth from my surprise…

He found a friend for me to stay with for a few days, until I was convinced the marriage was over and flew back home.

He already had his next victim in sight. A mother with a child that he had already moved in with.

This is what I learned from being married to a child molester.
1. They use you to cover up who and what they really are.
2. They do not like to cuddle and kisses are pecks.
3. They do not like to even touch you.
4. Basically you do not have any kind of love life, because you bore them.
5. They are secretive. If you find anything out it is always after the fact and you are not part of the decision.

Child molesters will go after… (They are mostly men)
1. Single woman that are vulnerable. This hides their true identity.
2. Single woman with children. It is the child that they really want. This situation can be really scary for a divorced woman.

They can come from any walk of life.

It was easy for my husband to hide his true identity with all the moving around military families do.

You meet many families that have smaller children, and usually lots of little kids running around.

(Don’t get me wrong when it comes to military men and women, I know that you are not like this piece of trash and I really appreciate your service and protection.)

When it comes to the divorce lady that has a child or children, he sees a gold mine. This also goes for older woman that have grandchildren.
If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner is always doing something with your child like…
1. Always offering to babysit while you go out for the evening with girlfriends or go to the store.
2. Always offering to do fun things with your child without you, and saying ‘honey I know you could use a break.’
3. It seems the relationship is more about your child than it is about you.

BEWARE….

The main thing that should have given me the clue was how little attention I received from him. There was no….
1. Holding hands
2. There really wasn’t any love making.
3. There was never any passion, only smooth talking. The play boy kind without the action.
4. Liked me to babysit for little girls, but then wanted to know if I needed to go to the store while he stayed with the kids.
5. No sitting on the sofa and cuddling.
6. No passionate kisses and hugging.

We can give our children all the education about keeping themselves safe, but as the adult and the parent we have to learn the signs, so we don’t lead them into a trap.

If you have any man in your life (some can be woman) that are overly helpful when it comes to spending time with your child and not spending time with you, please take a second look at the situation.

It was years later when I found out what I had been married to.

I remarried and had 3 little girls of my own. My ex had gotten in touch with me about wanting to stop by when he was in town. (Guess he thought he had an in, since he knew one of my extended family members).

I told this extended family member about the call and that is when she told me the truth about him.
To sum this up if you are in a relationship with someone…
1. That is very much a gentlemen
2. Charming
3. Loves your children, your sister’s children, even your friend’s children or your grandchildren.
4. Doesn’t show much interest in having a loving and sexual relationship with you.

Run as fast and far as you can, quickly. You may be involved with a child molester.

Please share this with your friends in social media. Let’s try to save as many children as we can from these monsters.

Thanks you…

 P.S. For more information you can click on this link, “Child Molestation Research & Prevention Institute.”

 

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Comments

  1. Thanks for the honesty in this post, I really do hope it helps people. All the best Debbie!

    • Hi Joel,

      Yes, it was a hard post to write. Sometimes the things we have learnt in life can help others from making mistakes. With that said, I do hope it helps someone.
      Thank you Joel for your support. Always love seeing that smiling face. 🙂

  2. Hi Debbie,

    You’ve been so brave to write this post, and I am glad you did, as it would surely help a lot of women, single or single with kids, to be aware if they are close to such a situation.

    I can understand some of the signs as I’ve read about them when I’d written a post on abusive relationship long back, and I think such men are very smooth operators. You can never really know what their next move is going to be, and most of the time you feel they are doing the right thing so you never doubt them.

    If a person doesn’t love you, as you mentioned the hugs and kisses were always missing, how can he ever really love your kids or family – that would be a clear indication I guess, though sometimes, certain men are like that, especially when they reach their menopause too!

    Thanks for sharing this important post with us. Have a nice weekend 🙂
    Harleena Singh recently posted…The Aha!NOW Chat with Berry Fowler [Interview]My Profile

    • Hi Harleena,
      I can understand a middle aged or older man being like this, but a younger man, not so much. This person was only 27 years old at the time.
      Anytime that I hear of a young person in a relationship were there isn’t much intimacy going on I tell them to take a second look at the situation.
      Thank you for stopping by I appreciate your kind words. Have a wonderful weekend. 🙂
      Debbie

      • Holly Pagan says:

        All ages of men with the same ways as described should be flagged for close attention. Affection isn’t an action saved for younger ones only… It is something you are comfortable doing with all ages… And most adults, due to the sheer reality that pedophiles exist, do not feel comfortable being overly affectionate with little ones in fear that adults may view that behavior as weird. These criminals are not only THE most cowardly, but also the most deceptive. When found to be a pedophile the people closest to them CAN NOT believe it. Nobody, and no family is exempt from these monsters. **Listening to your child while they are playing, coloring etc is KEY. And always trust to your gut… If you can’t figure out why you feel uneasy, you gotta listen and pay closer attention to what’s going on around you. Period. I failed to do so, and wish I could have been told these things long ago.

  3. Corinne Rodrigues says:

    I’m sorry to hear that you went through so much, Debbie. I’m certain your courage in sharing will go towards saving other women and children. It’s important that more people know what to look out for.

  4. Hi Corinne,
    This was a hard story to write, but life can take us down many paths and sometimes that path can help someone else not make the same mistake. That is why I decided to come clean and tell my story.

    If it helps on mother or child it is worth it. Life is about learning and sometimes we can help other to learn from us just as we can learn from others when they share.
    Thank you for stopping by and the kind words.
    Hugs,
    Debbie

  5. Hi Debbie,

    This is a really powerful post and I’m proud that you was brave enough to write it for the sake of preventing harm to other children.

    When it come molesters I always seem to hear the same word… ‘charming’. Family who have no idea what been happening always seem to say… ‘he was so lovely and charming’. ‘He was so gentle, friendly, always knew what to do and say’.

    People still don’t realise the biggest risks to their children being abused is not being grabbed into a van by a stranger, but that friendly neighbour, the helpful local teenager or (in your case) your martial partner.

    Watch out for slippery slugs, who sneakily slide into your home

    Thanks, Naomi

    • Hi Naomi,
      I like that, “Watch out for slippery slugs, who sneakily slide into your home.” Very true.
      The one thing that being married to this kind of trash brought to my attention is that they really aren’t interested in having an intimate relationship with there spouse. Once they get you behind those close doors, they are a pretty cool person.
      As for charming you have that one right. Thank for reaffirming that.
      It was great hearing from you again Naomi 🙂
      Debbie

  6. Jagbir Sandhu says:

    I am very happy that I found this during my search for something concerning this. I have read your article completely and i have gained a lot from it. I m a new reader and happy to have found you and I look forward to reading more posts in the future. I’m impressed by your blogging and I hope that others will learn from you as I do. Thank you again for all your help.
    Excellent blog, Thanks so much for sharing.

    Regards
    Jagbir Sandhu

    • Thank you Jagbir. Glad that you enjoyed the post and I am sorry for being slow in responding. I have been working on a book and enjoying these summer days I have to admit.
      Thank you again and wishing you a wonderful day.
      Debbie

  7. Thanks for sharing your story Debbie. Very brave of you indeed. I hope it wakes up at least 1 woman in a similar situation as horrifying as it might be. 1 question though: Why is this creep not behind bars?

    • Hi Judy,
      It was a hard story to tell. Many times i wondered why I didn’t see it. I would like to say it was being very young.
      I do hope it can at least help 1 person.
      As for him not being behind bars, it was 10 years later that it was discovered what he was and the law could no longer touch him. However he did end up dying in his early 60’s. When I found out what he really was, I had no victims that I knew of and his family did not want to pursue it. Trust me if I could have in anyway, I would have tried putting him behind bars.

      Thanks for stopping by and asking your question. One note though, it was a family member of his that he molested. It is not by all means always a stranger that did this to her.
      Best regards,
      Debbie

  8. Hi Debbie,

    I appreciate your blog post because you have mentioned real things here. I really love it.

    Keep writing this kind of real stuff. God bless you!

    Regards
    Dr. Diana Hardy

    • Hi Dr. Diana,

      Thank you for the kind words. I am sorry for being so slow in responding to your comment. Guess I have been enjoying summer just a little to much. (I’m Bad) LOL
      God bless you and have a wonderful day.
      Debbie

  9. This post is both VERY idiotic and a waste of time to read. Very stupid. It didn’t tell a story of a child molester. The only thing i read is you complaining about your love life with this man.
    Maybe he was a child molester. But you didnt really make that the point of this post.
    Idiot.

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