This a hard post to write, but if it can save one child from the horror of being molested it is worth telling.
It goes like this…
At the time I was coming out of a broken engagement and my heart was searing in pain. I was wounded and vulnerable.
Then an extended family member introduced me to a relative that was just getting out of the service
Oh, he was a smooth talking play boy (all talk, but no action, which you will find out as you read) and knew all the right things to say and do.
I was just a young pup and he was a full grown blood hound ready to bounce on his prey.
Targeting me like a missile that was being launched.
The jaw-dropper was that his name was the same as my lost love.
That was a killer…
I jumped into the relationship hoping to forget and using him like an escape hatch.
I thought my heart would heal if I moved on quickly…
Within 6 months we got married… (Yes, I know I was about as dumb as a block of wood, sitting on a shelf not realizing I could turn myself into something beautiful and useful.)
He was very much a gentlemen and charmer. (There is such a thing as to much of a gentlemen I learned later.)
When I would go to delight him with one of my kisses, he would pull me back, give me a peck for a kiss and say, “I want to save that for when we get married.”
(That should have been an eye opener, after all who in their right mind doesn’t go for those breathtaking kisses.)
I thought I had found a wonderful, loving, caring gentleman.
OK, back then they didn’t have Google, so I couldn’t look up…
‘SIGNS OF A CHILD MOLESTER’ or ‘COULD YOU BE DATING A CHILD MOLESTER.’
There was NO honeymoon after the wedding ceremony…
We had a little apartment we went to and I was told, “I’m really tired.”
(I always thought it was the woman that was supposed to say that..)
Before I even realized what was happening, he found a job in another state and moved me away from my family.
I felt like he was in control of our relationship and I was just tagging alone like a little puppy on a leash.
Within 6 months he joined the Air Force again not even talking to me about this big change.
(If you have never been in the military, military life is like you are on another planet.)
For this good old country girl it felt like the world was out there and I could see the people, but I was not part of them anymore.
We were than based in North Carolina…
He kept himself busy, but always found time to introduce me to other families with children and tell me to make friends with them. (He was setting me up to be his middle woman for his horrifying actions.)
Next thing I know he is deployed overseas, leaving me to fend for myself in this strange world.
One good thing about it, I wasn’t going to miss having a sex life, cuddles and kisses, because there wasn’t much of that going around.
When he did arrive home after being overseas for 6 months there were no hugs and kisses.
In fact I felt as popular as a fart in an elevator, eh!
It really sucked…
As I watched all the other couples coming home kissing and hugging showing love to each other. This horrifying excuse for a human being didn’t even want to hold my hand.
Next came a tour of duty overseas. (Which he had put in for without discussing it with me.)
He then dumps me off in my home town and tells me that he’ll let me know when he finds a place for us to live.
Than I can come over and join him.
One month later he calls my brother and tells him to let me know that he wants a divorce.
I think I went into shock when I heard this, since I really didn’t believe in divorce (at that time).
With my brain feeling like it had just been taken out by a land mine…
I boarded an airplane and flew half way around the world to surprise him and try to save this marriage.
Oh, yes he was surprise…
After putting his teeth back in his mouth from my surprise…
He found a friend for me to stay with for a few days, until I was convinced the marriage was over and flew back home.
He already had his next victim in sight. A mother with a child that he had already moved in with.
This is what I learned from being married to a child molester.
1. They use you to cover up who and what they really are.
2. They do not like to cuddle and kisses are pecks.
3. They do not like to even touch you.
4. Basically you do not have any kind of love life, because you bore them.
5. They are secretive. If you find anything out it is always after the fact and you are not part of the decision.
Child molesters will go after… (They are mostly men)
1. Single woman that are vulnerable. This hides their true identity.
2. Single woman with children. It is the child that they really want. This situation can be really scary for a divorced woman.
They can come from any walk of life.
It was easy for my husband to hide his true identity with all the moving around military families do.
You meet many families that have smaller children, and usually lots of little kids running around.
(Don’t get me wrong when it comes to military men and women, I know that you are not like this piece of trash and I really appreciate your service and protection.)
When it comes to the divorce lady that has a child or children, he sees a gold mine. This also goes for older woman that have grandchildren.
If you find yourself in a relationship where your partner is always doing something with your child like…
1. Always offering to babysit while you go out for the evening with girlfriends or go to the store.
2. Always offering to do fun things with your child without you, and saying ‘honey I know you could use a break.’
3. It seems the relationship is more about your child than it is about you.
The main thing that should have given me the clue was how little attention I received from him. There was no….
1. Holding hands
2. There really wasn’t any love making.
3. There was never any passion, only smooth talking. The play boy kind without the action.
4. Liked me to babysit for little girls, but then wanted to know if I needed to go to the store while he stayed with the kids.
5. No sitting on the sofa and cuddling.
6. No passionate kisses and hugging.
We can give our children all the education about keeping themselves safe, but as the adult and the parent we have to learn the signs, so we don’t lead them into a trap.
If you have any man in your life (some can be woman) that are overly helpful when it comes to spending time with your child and not spending time with you, please take a second look at the situation.
It was years later when I found out what I had been married to.
I remarried and had 3 little girls of my own. My ex had gotten in touch with me about wanting to stop by when he was in town. (Guess he thought he had an in, since he knew one of my extended family members).
I told this extended family member about the call and that is when she told me the truth about him.
To sum this up if you are in a relationship with someone…
1. That is very much a gentlemen
3. Loves your children, your sister’s children, even your friend’s children or your grandchildren.
4. Doesn’t show much interest in having a loving and sexual relationship with you.
Run as fast and far as you can, quickly. You may be involved with a child molester.
Please share this with your friends in social media. Let’s try to save as many children as we can from these monsters.
P.S. For more information you can click on this link, “Child Molestation Research & Prevention Institute.”