If I Were a Man

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This is a guest post from Anda Tudor
Public Relations Manager at Freelance Coaching

This is the third time my boyfriend canceled our date this month citing work as an excuse. I know work is important, hello I work too! But seriously cancelling at the last moment twice in a row is taking me for granted, I wouldn’t have done that if I were a man.

What would have I done?

Dressed in my latest Lanvin over lacy lingerie, I open a bottle of beer and think about how I would have treated my girlfriend had I been a man.

The first thing I would do is to try not to cancel a date, plan in advance or maybe I would cancel a date then show up unexpected and whisk my girlfriend away for a weekend trip to Paris.

As a girl envisioning what a man should do, I believe that more than materialistic gestures, it is the thought that counts.

Cancelling a date if you completely have to, is okay once in a while but showing up at her door with pizza and wine (and not solely with the intention to lure her to bed) will win over hundreds such cancelled dates.

 As a guy, I would concentrate on small things in life:

Making her coffee just the way she likes in the morning when she’s running late

Give her a foot massages when she gets back home

Steal surprise kisses

Cuddle with her

 Grab her favorite ice cream flavor on my way over to her house

Understanding is of utmost importance, and it works both ways. Second comes loyalty, why do so many men cheat, and that too with horrible, readily-available, desperate girls?

I will give my girl reasons to trust me and honestly, the fact that I’m with her is because I want to be with her.

This is where most guys go wrong; they tend to get love from one girl and sex from another, meanwhile wronging them both.

I would communicate with my girlfriend, tell her what I expect from her and ask her what she expects in return.

Men are often considered to be in a relationship for sex, not just for guys but for girls too, sex is important. Guys perhaps are more public about it. It’s startling to know that 80% of women have never experienced orgasm while having sex, and as a guy I would read my girlfriend’s body and learn about her pleasure points. Watching your girlfriend wither to your every touch is such a turn on. 

I wonder why most guys don’t do it.

Of course, I am not going to be a perfect boyfriend. There will be arguments, name calling (which is really a big no no), fights but I believe half of it can be solved, in fact completely avoided if people can listen to each other.

 Now as a woman (the real me is still a woman remember?), I know that we tend to talk a lot, go off topics, change our minds but if a man is patient with us and willing to listen and understand, we are ready to mold things for the better.

 In retrospect, I guess I would make for a good boyfriend. What about you ladies? What would you do if you were a man?

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Comments

  1. Dear Debbie –

    Especially the ice crean, Coffee Haagen Das,

    Otherwise, dump this guy. You are wasting your time.
    Corinne Edwards recently posted…DIET 2013 – AND YOU ARE STILL FAT?My Profile

  2. Interesting question Anda and Debbie!

    I guess because we are not men and women, we have feelings and think like the ways you mentioned. Speaking of which, if I were a man I would be more or less like the above – more sensitive and have more of feelings and emotions – isn’t it?

    I feel men majorly lack in areas that for women are important – just like the small things that matter. For men, it’s always the larger things that count and they loose out on the small ones that make a difference to us. The soft touch, the feel of a hand over ours, just a simple glance, or knowing what we want without us asking for it – the list is endless indeed. And yes, a cuddle or a simple hug for us holds much more importance than getting into the act, something again that men rarely understand.

    Thanks for sharing and making us think! Just wish men would think and be a little more like women in some ways. 🙂
    Harleena Singh recently posted…Blog Anniversary – Making Merry this Christmas and New YearMy Profile

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Harleena,

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this subject. I believe that what it comes down to, is it is up to the woman to educate her man and hope he hears what she is saying. And it is up to the man to educate his lady and she needs to listen. This way both the gentlman and the lady are going to have there needs meant.

      Those little things mean so much to us ladies, if the guys would stop trying so hard with the big things they would be surprised and it would make life a lot easier for them in the long run.
      Thanks again for sharing your wisdom,
      Debbie

  3. Hi Anda and Debbie,

    Men and women are so different in the way they think about relationships. For some it seems to gel so easily, for others it is a struggle. Hard to know what is going on with your situation, but listen to your gut. It will tell you. All the best.
    Cathy recently posted…4 Lessons You Can Learn From a Dad’s AlcoholismMy Profile

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Cathy,

      Yes, Cathy their are many times if we just listen to our gut feeling we know what to do and how to handle situations. I always say listen to your heart, but think with your head. This way you can catch any red flags before you say the I Do’s.

      Thank you fo sharing,
      Debbie

  4. Shorya Bist says:

    Hi Debbie and Anda,

    Wow nice article ,i liked this article because i do exactly the same thing you have mentioned in list thing would do if you were a guy.

    I make coffee/tea for my girlfriend ,I massage her feats, i give here suprises , i give her kisses alot of time to make her special ,sometimes i like to do as she is so cute.

    Yeahhh i think i am the perfect boyfriend alive.

    Thank You
    Shorya Bist
    From Youthofest

  5. If I were a man, I would probably wish I was a woman. That’s the conclusion I’ve come to after listing all the (relatively unappealing) consequences of being reborn a man. I say “reborn” because otherwise I wouldn’t have the same insight as I do from “the other side”.

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Marta,

      I see where you are coming from, but what it does come down to is listening to each other and learning each others needs. No dating games, they end up in a diaster many times.
      Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
      debbie

  6. Anda & Debbie: Hey, this was wonderful to read and made me giggle. I agree with you that in any relationship for both male and female the little things are what count the most. Granted, big things count a lot too ( : but, without the little things the big things don’t count as nearly as much. When I get in another relationship I am going to really put my heart into it and really try to do little things that show love and affection everyday. When one stops doing the little things and takes them for granted thats when problems usually arise.
    I also believe that for most relationship problems about 99 percent of them start with the male. I believe that for the most part, if a man treats his woman right and lovingly and gives her what she needs then he won’t have to worry about her going off and cheating. The same can be said about a woman, but I believe it all starts with the man.

    Best Wishes,
    WIlliam Veasley
    William Veasley recently posted…The Humble ManMy Profile

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi William,

      Thank you for sharing your thoughts. And yes the little things are what really count. Now if a relationship isn’t working it does take both partners to make it work. Communicating those little things each other need. I have seen relationships where it is the male that destroys it and I have seen relationships where it is the female that does the destroying. Don’t you go thinking that if a relationship for you doesn’t work that it is going to be all your fault. Remember it does take 2 to make it work and grow. You can’t take all the credit if it goes down the tubes. LOL

      Thanks again you made me smie.
      Debbie

  7. Hi Debbie thats an interesting article you wrote here. I do think women need to think in this way as well as men. I would go further by saying if we need to put ourselves in the other persons shoes it definately gives us the greater understanding of how we might feel about ourselves towards them, because at the end of the day we can only be responsible for our own actions. Thanks for article.

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      I agree with yoy Greg. At the end of the day we can only be responsible for our own actions. If we would always stop and try to put ourselves in anothers shoes before reacting to any situation our reaction is going to be much different I beleive.

      thank you for sharing your thoughts.
      Debbie

  8. Anda, this was a really well written post. It takes a lot to write about person matters but to do so in such a creative way took that extra amount of courage.

    I’m crossing my fingers and hoping that your boyfriend learns from this post (if you let him read it, that is,) because you sound like one heck of a catch!

    Best to you and please, keep up the fantastic writing.

  9. Debbie,

    I just saw your response to the post about how to talk to your children about gay marriage. My response was similar to yours, I don’t think 2 gay men can provide a child what a female mom and a male dad can. Nice to see someone standing up for their values.

    Allen

  10. its a great thing to see things from a woman’s point of view
    that was very useful to me
    farouk recently posted…The kind of self confidence that attracts womenMy Profile

  11. Hi
    I am a man and reading your list of things I should be doing for my girlfriend makes me realise maybe just maybe I am coming up a little bit short. Thanks for the kick up the backside.

    Thanks lee
    Lee recently posted…Tummy Control ThongMy Profile

  12. T. Davis says:

    Hi Debbie, I have never really took the time to think about this subject this way. Makes me wonder how my relationships in the past would have turned out differently if I had taken the time to do some of the little things.

  13. Seymour Stokes says:

    It happened to me. He said were not compatible in that area cause he’s affectionate and I’m not. One thing is I’m really picky who I go out on a date with. They are guys who have other options. They are attractive and educated. If I don’t give it to them they know other girls will.

  14. Rick O. Russell says:

    Sometimes the loudest thing in the room is what isn’t said. Think about your time together. Have you talked about how you both see the relationship and what you want down the road? Have you talked about being exclusive sexually? If the answer is no, and you’ve been dating for some weeks/months, then you’re probably not his girlfriend.

  15. Camella Buhangin says:

    Hello,Debbie!

    I’m new of this site, and I want to learn something about your article. I was searching for some best sites about how to overcome the problems between my boyfriend and me. A problem that we always argued since then and that is canceling our dates for how many times.

  16. Michael Valmont says:

    Men by nature are not touchy-feely like women, they can even forget important occasions, but this does not totally mean they do not love you. People have various ways of showing their love to the other person. You are right though in some instances when men can be so insensitive and forget the little things that show how we love the other person.

  17. silver price says:

    I am basing these reasons on guys who cancel before you’ve even had a date, or guys who cancel after a few dates. I’m assuming that this isn’t a monogamous ‘relationship’, that it’s early days and nothing serious. I should start this by saying, whatever the reason is, we shouldn’t get our knickers in a twist over it. The sun does not rise and set on them.

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