How to Piss Your Adult Child Off in 5 Minute

0 Flares Twitter 0 Facebook 0 Google+ 0 Pin It Share 0 StumbleUpon 0 LinkedIn 0 Email -- Buffer 0 0 Flares ×

How many of you have adult kids? Have you ever totally pissed them off to the point where you haven’t talked to them for a month? 

Now I know when it comes to teenagers it is normal for them to be pissed at you most of the time.  Guess that comes under the meaning of:

 TEENAGER –  A person pissed at their parents 80% of the time.

I have to confess I have done it reallllly good this time.  OOPS!  It happens!

Hey I never told my kids I was a perfect parent, but I was a good one (even if I have to say it myself).  I look at it this way; none of them are Serial Killers or even in the slammer, so I must have done something right. 

They are all married (will one has been divorced) but in a great relationship now.  They are all responsible parents (even if I don’t completely agree with their parenting at times).  They have all finished college and didn’t just learn how to party.  They have a real degree.  As for spring break trips, Hey, I don’t even want to know about those, (there are some things a parent just doesn’t need to know.)

See it is like this ‘I AM A FIXER’.  There I said it, but no worries one can change.  After being a single parent most of their lives, I was the one fixing things all the time.  (Give me break old habits can be hard to break)

 To make a long story short, Hubby and I had a BQ a month ago and it would have been prettier if the BQ grill had just blown up.  No such luck it was the kid that blew up first, then grandma and grandpa joined the party.

It is funny what can happen when you don’t have all the facts and one thing leads to another.

Here is what grandpa and I seen happen.  Mommy is getting after her 6 year daughter to find a place to sit down and eat.  Daughter goes over to where grandpa is sitting, so grandpa moves to another area, so she can sit down.  Granddaughter gets upset and stomps into the house. 

Mommy starts getting upset with grandpa for moving.  I feel like grandpa is getting picked on (you have to give me a little slack here, I have had about 3 beers, it doesn’t take much for me to feel the liquid) and I tell daughter to back off with a little emotion in my words. (Well maybe a lot of emotion). 

Now mommy is no longer ticked at her daughter, she has me and grandpa to be pissed at.

 “We are out of here” she states and her family leaves after she talks to grandpa and he does apologize for his part.  I am not sure whether she apologized to him or not.  

I went under the missing person’s category at this time.

What really happened was granddaughter was sitting at the picnic table decided to test out gravity by spitting out her food.  When Mommy started getting after her, she developed an attitude (can’t blame her for that mommy likes to get after her to much the way I see it, but hey what do I know.)  She is only 6 years old, what kid doesn’t like to try spitting there food out just for the fun of doing it?

A little divine intervention from above would have been nice at this point, but no such luck.

Here are five things I have learned in this situation:

  1. When having a family get together, forget the beer.  When these little infraction pop up you are not fully capable of thinking straight.
  2. Learn to keep your mouth shut when around adult children.  This is a no win situation.
  3. Don’t give any advice unless they are asking for it.  Before giving it make sure they are really ready to hear it.
  4. Don’t ever try to fix things.   You have completed your job at this stage in their life.  Just be there for them if they really need you and always remember to keep your mouth shut!
  5. Pray a lot, so you don’t screw the adult children up anymore.  You did a good enough job on this when they were younger, so leave well enough alone.
  6. Always and I mean Always keep your humor.  If they didn’t drive you to an early grave when they were young they surly can as adults.

Now here is what I am doing about this situation.  When my kids were born I figure that they were really God’s and he was just intrusting me with them until they were on their own.

I have made the mistake of thinking that I still needed to help them when I felt the need.  OOOPS! (I am learning to listen to God better.)

 Someone that has really helped me to think this situation over is Corinne Edwards.  She just had a blog post from her book “Sales, Lies and The Naked Truth.”  In her sixteenth chapter she states, “The old adage that there are three sides to every story is usually true. Yours. Theirs. And the real story.” 

I do see that there are three sides to this story; I just pray that mommy can see the three sides one day.  In the mean time, I will let go, (Yes, it is hard), knowing that she is fully God’s child , so I am completely turning her over to him and wishing and praying for the best in this situation.

(I know I am a slow learner, but hey better late than never.)

In the mean time I well do as Corinne says, get me a t shirt that reads, “Plays well with others”

As for grandpa sometimes he can look like he has an attitude, so I thought the best t shirt for him would be, “I Look Like I’m Having An Attitude, But I’m Really Not.”

I am always open for ideas when it comes to problem solving, so if anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them.   

Yes, God can provide miracles when needed, so maybe one of you wonderful people is my miracle for the day.  Don’t hesitate to give it a shot.

Thank you all for your help and if you are still trying to fix your adult kid, STOP IT! It is a dead end road!  Just be there if needed and lay off the booze when with them.

 

P. S.  If she reads this I probably am really screwed, but don’t think there is too much worry in that; to my knowledge is she doesn’t have the time to read what I write.

Sometimes all you can do is ‘LOVE THEM” and know when to walk away and when to hold them!

p.p.s    Oh, by the way this adult kid I am referring to has always had an allergy to milk.  When she drinks it, her mood really goes from good mood to nasty mood.  Not sure how much milk she had to drink before she came over.  She thinks she has out grown this problem, Not So Much, just ask her sisters!

Related Posts Plugin for WordPress, Blogger...
0 Flares Twitter 0 Facebook 0 Google+ 0 Pin It Share 0 StumbleUpon 0 LinkedIn 0 Email -- Buffer 0 0 Flares ×

Comments

  1. Beat Schindler says:

    Debbie, you certainly follow your own advice when you say, Always and I mean Always keep your humor. What helped me with mine, when they were teenagers, in addition to humor, was to remind myself what I was like at their age. I would instantly feel better. My point, have as much faith in your teenagers as you had [or have] in yourself – or more.
    ~Beat

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Beat,

      I hear what you are saying. Remember what it was like to be a teenager does help when your kids hit those teen years. My heart really goes out to teens these days, because i believe they have it rougher than we did. One thing that I remember about those years is I could feel the trust that my mother had in me. (to a point) I didn’t want to break that trust.
      When it comes to the humor, I make sure that it follows me where ever I go. It is one thing that God has blessed me with, so I don’t want to let it go to waste. LOL
      Thank you for sharing and blessings to you,
      Debbie

  2. Hi Debbie,

    My children are just barely adults so I am still in the “I can help fix this problem”.
    Your have some good lists on what to do and not to do, and I can see the day when I may need this list.
    Time off from interacting may help get the three stories straight.
    Thanks for the good advise!

    Anne

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Anne,

      I have had to learn the hard way at times NOT TO TRY AND FIX THERE PROBLEMS. It is really hard, because sometimes like they say, “been there, done that” but they have to learn just as we did.

      Yes, sometimes it does take that time off to think about things and then we can put the train back on the track. i do have faith this is going to happen.
      Thank you for sharing and blessings to you,
      Debbie

  3. Hi Debbie,
    Good to see you again. My two daughters are mid 20’s…they know their own way. I help out when asked…Life is good.
    be good to yourself
    David

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi David,

      I am glad to hear that you are on the right track with your daughter. Helping out when ask is the best way. Guess i am a slow learner. Better late than never I guess.

      It is good to see you again David, so I have been working hard on my new site. thank you for stoping by and sharing.
      Blessings to you,
      Debbie

  4. I wish I could help you Debbie!

    My girls are just in their teens, but all that I know about parenting is that even though kids are in their teens now, they do need their space and time. Speaking of myself, even though they need parental guidance now, I prefer to just voice my thoughts to them and let go there after. I guess they have already been taught the right from wrong when they were kids and really don’t take erratic decisions as of now. I can’t say about the future. But they are those kind of girls who listen to what parents have to say, just like I was I think – so haven’t really come across a troublesome situation with them.

    Speaking of myself, when I was your daughters age and had my kids, and if I were in a similar situation – I don’t think I’ve ever, nor would I ever answer back to my parents, or even ask my Dad to move away from where he was sitting. I guess we had those hard core values instilled into us when we were kids, that hold strong to date. Elders in our family are ALWAYS treated with respect, and their wise words are what guide us right through – till date.

    I hope your daughter realizes what she’s done, and more than anything, it’s the emotions and feelings that are hurt here. And yes, in your situation, you did the right thing to let go and make light of the while thing. But it is tough not to interfere when you see them not on the right track, and as parents, you will always be parents who guide their kids.

    Thanks for sharing more of yourself with all of us. 🙂

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Harleena,

      thank you very much for sharing your thoughts and ideas with me. You are right when it comes to the tennagers we do have to voice our thoughts and let go.

      As for speaking to our parents with respect. I know where you are coming from. This one I do have trouble understanding. Adult children seem to have lost that respect idea somewhere. Whether it is society, friends I am not sure. I was raise to respect my Elders and these girls were too. I wonder if a lot of it comes from what they read over the internet? I think Facebook my have something to do with this. They share everything with the people they believe are friends, so when it comes to parents, we are not needed like parents use to be and the internet knows more that a live person. LOL

      Just a thought there. By the way she did call me yesterday late in the day. I was careful what I said, but nothing was said about this situation. I am going to see about getting with her face to face and trying to come to an understanding. Knowing her if I don’t it is going to happen again.

      Thanks again and I shall remember to always give my thoughts and let go!!!
      Blessings to you and thanks again for sharing,
      Debbie

  5. Debbie,

    Great read!

    I agree about the beer – I have to forget that!

    Plus I like to help and resolve situations…I have to stop!

    Andrew
    Andrew recently posted…10 Blogging Mistakes That Make Your Blog Look UnprofessionalMy Profile

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Andrew,

      Yes, Andrew you do have to STOP trying to resolve situations. LOL Don’t want you to end up in my situations!! Got to admit though giving up the beer is not an easy one.
      thank you for sharing and glad that you enjoyed the post.
      Blessings to you,
      Debbie

  6. Hi Debbie,

    My kids are adults now too, and I’ve had to learn this lesson as well. It is challenging as a mom to know when to let go. Our children will not do everything exactly the way we anticipated, but letting go of expectations helps me. Hope all mends with your family. Take care.
    Cathy recently posted…Treatment Talk Monthly Message – September 2012My Profile

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Cathy,

      Thanks Cathy for sharing. The kid did call me yesterday, so guess we are making headway slowly. Of course she just talked about what is going on with her. (this is ok, it is a start.) LOL

      Letting go is so hard, but I keep remember we all have to make our own mistakes in this life and learn from them. Hey, what can I say, I’m still learning from mine,
      Thanks again and blessings to you,
      Debbie

  7. Dear Debbie –

    Thanks for the plug. I should wear that T shirt more often.

    The reason we get into trouble with our adult children is WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.

    (and most of the time we are)

    My kids get annoyed when I tell them thiings more than once.

    (I heard you!)

    They’ll miss us when we are gone one day. At least I hope so.
    Corinne Edwards recently posted…JUST SHUT UP FOR A WHILE – from Sales, Lies and Naked TruthsMy Profile

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Corinne.

      First you are welcome. Love that post and the great info you have in the book.

      You do make me LOL when you said, ‘The reason we get into trouble with our adult children is WE ARE ALWAYS RIGHT.’ Very true!!!!

      I always say that they will miss me when I am gone, too. There are things they will wish they had talked about. What i am trying to do is write all those question down and answer them for them. Someday when I am gone, and they read them and realize mom wasn’t so dumb after all!
      Just a thought. I can always hope!

      Take care now and hugs to you sweet lady,
      Debbie

  8. Hi Debbie,
    It’s great to read your post about teens who do not want your “help” anymore. I agree with Beat Schindler that when dealing with our teens’ attitudes, we should always try to remind ourselves how are we like when we were teens. Good thing I have most of my nephews and nieces who are all under the age of 10. I have one niece though who is already a teen and she tends to talk with an attitude towards her parents when she’s being asked about her grades or something about her. The good thing about her parents (her mom is my sister) is that when she acts grumpy or she talks with a sour mood, they tend to either make her laugh or piss her off even more by saying “Are you in that time of the month right now?” 🙂
    Felicia recently posted…High Stakes: "Barcode" Dominates PokerStars’ Nosebleed Tables!My Profile

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Felicia,

      Thanks for sharing this about your sister and niece. If you can make them laugh when those attitudes come up this is great. Laughter always makes people feel better. When my younges daughter was the only one left at home, her and I use to take time every evening and just laugh. Sometime we found something to laugh about and other times we just started laughing. It was great.

      Yes, Beat is right, it is good to always as the parent to remember how it was when you were a teen. I am glad that I don’t have to redo those years. They are the hardest years I believe.
      Thanks again for sharing and blessings to you.
      Have a great day,
      Debbie

  9. Miss Colofac says:

    This is a good advice not to drink. I have stopped with alco 3+ years and my children do not drink when I am near.

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      That is wonderful Miss Colofac. I am very proud of you. It is wonderful that your children work with you on this. I grow up with a father that was alco. He drank of weekends and it was not fun.

      Thank you for sharing and blessings to you,
      debbie

    • I agree with you too Miss Colofac, drinking alcohol should be stopped when you have kids or only drink when the kids can’t see you.
      Debbie, how come when you father drank in weekends you say it was not fun? Is your father unpleasant when he drinks? It’s okay if you don’t want to answer.
      Felicia recently posted…PokerStars All-Star Showdown: Haxton, Cates & Sulsky Advance To Semifinals!My Profile

      • Debbie Bills
        Twitter:
        says:

        Hi Felicia,

        My father was a weekend acholic. By Sunday you could not say a word or he was trying to argue with you. Then he would get mad and leave in the car. Mostly he ended up in the ditch with the car. Thank heaven we lived in the country.

        Hr was not phyical abuse, but verbally he could be quite nasty. it was pretty scare for a little kid. As for me when it comes to drinking, my limit is about 2 or 3 beers. Then i am done. Actually it will put me to sleep ever easily.

        I will say after I left home and one of my little brothers was the only one left at home, my mother told him to either quite the drinking or get out. (she figure that she was than able to support herself and my little brother.) He did quite drinking and was a very nice gentle man after that.

        If you have any other question I will try to answer them.
        Blessings to you,
        Debbie

        • Hi Debbie,

          First of all, thanks for answering my question, I hope I didn’t prod on the subject too much.
          Why I asked that is because I have a close friend who confided in me long ago that her father was an occasional drinker when they were very young, and when he does get drunk, he thrashes their house and verbally/physically abuse her, her siblings and even her mother. It was a really traumatic experience for them, most especially they cannot do anything because they were just little children at those times. She often envied other families she observed (when the dad drinks beer or other alcoholic drinks, they do not pick a fight or hurt the members of their family (especially the children).

          I really cannot fathom why such fathers in some households, when drunk, tend to hurt other people, most especially their own family.

          I’m happy for you that your dad stopped drinking in the end and did his best to become a nice father to all of you.
          Felicia recently posted…Gambling-Addicted Nun Accused of Stealing $128k!My Profile

          • Debbie Bills
            Twitter:
            says:

            No problem Felicia. I was lucky enough that our father did not physically abuse us. I really don’t beleive my mother would have put up with that. I to always wished my family was like other families, however after I grew up i did realize that no family is perfect. Someof my friends parents ened up in a divorce because of affairs. that is one thing that my father never did. I always say to myself, No family is perfect and “you are a true adult when you can forgive your parents for what you think they did to you.”

            I am who I am today, because of the way I was raised, so they sure did something right!

            Thank you for asking question, that is how we learn.
            Blessings to you and I wish the best to your friend.
            Debbie

  10. I’m not a parent but this sounds like good advice to me! It must be difficult …

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Thank for sharing. Sometimes you just have to let go and let God and everything works out. I have found that when I try to fix things sometimes it can just make it worse.
      Thank you for stopping by and contributing.
      debbie

  11. Debbie I laughed out loud over the definition of a teenager. I am so living that right now! Your picture of dealing with adult children scares me just a little though. Keeping my motherly mouth shut is just SO hard!
    Amy LeForge recently posted…Giveaway – Keep Your Documents Safe with SentrySafeMy Profile

    • Debbie Bills
      Twitter:
      says:

      Hi Amy,

      thank you, glad i could make you laugh. Those teen years are as hard for you as they are for them. Keep that skin tough and you will survive. As for the adult kids, yes i too have trouble keeping the mouth shut, but I am learning.
      Thanks for sharing and I shall pray for you, LOL (Hey parents of teenagers can use all the help they can get.)
      Blessings to you,
      Debbie

  12. I can sympathise with you, Debbie regarding ‘being a fixer.’

    I just like to do whatever I can to help someone out and rid them of any hassles they’re having but, you’re right, when it comes to teenagers the absolute best thing you can do is zip your lips and just be available if they need help.

    If the situation is serious enough, they always ask for it 🙂

  13. Lucy D. Dorsey says:

    Things were beginning to look differently to her, now. Whose feelings had she been thinking about, really? She’d thought she was being selfish – but maybe she wasn’t being selfish enough, in a way. Who would she be helping by living a lie? What example would her daughter see, every day? What message did she want to send the pigtailed yellow cub – what message about dreams, hopes, and responsibilities? And promises.

  14. trying to get to deep involved in their lives can cause them to push you out his best to sit back and do they need help.
    levon recently posted…Why do men go on dating sites when in a relationshipMy Profile

Speak Your Mind

*

CommentLuv badge
0 Flares Twitter 0 Facebook 0 Google+ 0 Pin It Share 0 StumbleUpon 0 LinkedIn 0 Email -- Buffer 0 0 Flares ×