Now I know when it comes to teenagers it is normal for them to be pissed at you most of the time. Guess that comes under the meaning of:
TEENAGER – A person pissed at their parents 80% of the time.
I have to confess I have done it reallllly good this time. OOPS! It happens!
Hey I never told my kids I was a perfect parent, but I was a good one (even if I have to say it myself). I look at it this way; none of them are Serial Killers or even in the slammer, so I must have done something right.
They are all married (will one has been divorced) but in a great relationship now. They are all responsible parents (even if I don’t completely agree with their parenting at times). They have all finished college and didn’t just learn how to party. They have a real degree. As for spring break trips, Hey, I don’t even want to know about those, (there are some things a parent just doesn’t need to know.)
See it is like this ‘I AM A FIXER’. There I said it, but no worries one can change. After being a single parent most of their lives, I was the one fixing things all the time. (Give me break old habits can be hard to break)
To make a long story short, Hubby and I had a BQ a month ago and it would have been prettier if the BQ grill had just blown up. No such luck it was the kid that blew up first, then grandma and grandpa joined the party.
It is funny what can happen when you don’t have all the facts and one thing leads to another.
Here is what grandpa and I seen happen. Mommy is getting after her 6 year daughter to find a place to sit down and eat. Daughter goes over to where grandpa is sitting, so grandpa moves to another area, so she can sit down. Granddaughter gets upset and stomps into the house.
Mommy starts getting upset with grandpa for moving. I feel like grandpa is getting picked on (you have to give me a little slack here, I have had about 3 beers, it doesn’t take much for me to feel the liquid) and I tell daughter to back off with a little emotion in my words. (Well maybe a lot of emotion).
Now mommy is no longer ticked at her daughter, she has me and grandpa to be pissed at.
“We are out of here” she states and her family leaves after she talks to grandpa and he does apologize for his part. I am not sure whether she apologized to him or not.
I went under the missing person’s category at this time.
What really happened was granddaughter was sitting at the picnic table decided to test out gravity by spitting out her food. When Mommy started getting after her, she developed an attitude (can’t blame her for that mommy likes to get after her to much the way I see it, but hey what do I know.) She is only 6 years old, what kid doesn’t like to try spitting there food out just for the fun of doing it?
A little divine intervention from above would have been nice at this point, but no such luck.
Here are five things I have learned in this situation:
- When having a family get together, forget the beer. When these little infraction pop up you are not fully capable of thinking straight.
- Learn to keep your mouth shut when around adult children. This is a no win situation.
- Don’t give any advice unless they are asking for it. Before giving it make sure they are really ready to hear it.
- Don’t ever try to fix things. You have completed your job at this stage in their life. Just be there for them if they really need you and always remember to keep your mouth shut!
- Pray a lot, so you don’t screw the adult children up anymore. You did a good enough job on this when they were younger, so leave well enough alone.
- Always and I mean Always keep your humor. If they didn’t drive you to an early grave when they were young they surly can as adults.
Now here is what I am doing about this situation. When my kids were born I figure that they were really God’s and he was just intrusting me with them until they were on their own.
I have made the mistake of thinking that I still needed to help them when I felt the need. OOOPS! (I am learning to listen to God better.)
Someone that has really helped me to think this situation over is Corinne Edwards. She just had a blog post from her book “Sales, Lies and The Naked Truth.” In her sixteenth chapter she states, “The old adage that there are three sides to every story is usually true. Yours. Theirs. And the real story.”
I do see that there are three sides to this story; I just pray that mommy can see the three sides one day. In the mean time, I will let go, (Yes, it is hard), knowing that she is fully God’s child , so I am completely turning her over to him and wishing and praying for the best in this situation.
(I know I am a slow learner, but hey better late than never.)
In the mean time I well do as Corinne says, get me a t shirt that reads, “Plays well with others”
As for grandpa sometimes he can look like he has an attitude, so I thought the best t shirt for him would be, “I Look Like I’m Having An Attitude, But I’m Really Not.”
I am always open for ideas when it comes to problem solving, so if anyone has any ideas I would love to hear them.
Yes, God can provide miracles when needed, so maybe one of you wonderful people is my miracle for the day. Don’t hesitate to give it a shot.
Thank you all for your help and if you are still trying to fix your adult kid, STOP IT! It is a dead end road! Just be there if needed and lay off the booze when with them.
P. S. If she reads this I probably am really screwed, but don’t think there is too much worry in that; to my knowledge is she doesn’t have the time to read what I write.
Sometimes all you can do is ‘LOVE THEM” and know when to walk away and when to hold them!
p.p.s Oh, by the way this adult kid I am referring to has always had an allergy to milk. When she drinks it, her mood really goes from good mood to nasty mood. Not sure how much milk she had to drink before she came over. She thinks she has out grown this problem, Not So Much, just ask her sisters!