Is Death Better Than Being A Single Mother?

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 Boy, when I was a single mother there were days that I thought dying would be easier.  Than I would look at those little faces and know that I had to survive and keep going no matter how hard things were.

Yes, I was a single mother and I have the t-shirt to prove it.

Is being a single mother fun?single mom4

Hell NO…

Some people have no idea how rough things can get and then I stop and think…

How long has it been since I have even had a hug from a full grown person? (And that is a small thing compared to everything else.)

  • Maybe you have an ex that doesn’t pay child support.
  • Maybe your ex is a dead beat father in every way.
  • Maybe you lost your loving partner to an accident or illness.

It doesn’t matter…You are in this world all by yourself with these little mouths to feed and keep a roof over their heads.

  •  You are not sure where there next meal is going to come from.
  •   If they are going to have a roof over their heads next month.
  •   If the utility bills are going to get paid, so you have heat, etc.
  •   You consider getting rid of the phone, because the only people calling these days are bill collectors.
  • Maybe you are holding down 2 jobs or even 3.

Here is how your days look:

You get up in the morning a little early just so you can have a few minutes to yourself.

You say to yourself, “Oh, this cup of coffee taste good and just sitting here for awhile is nice.”

Now you are ready to get the kids up and ready for school.

You feed them with what you have in the cupboards.

Throw some kind of lunch together for them.

Drop them off at the sitters, because you have to be to work before they start school.

Get to work and work for 10 hours.  You do this so you can work a 40 hour work week in 4 days, so you can have a little more time with them on that extra day or get house work done.

Get off work and pick the kids up at the sitter.

(Maybe you take them to an activity you can’t really afford, but feel it is good for them.)

Go home and start dinner while the kids are doing their homework.
In between stirring the soup you help one or two kids with homework.
Clean up after dinner and get the kids bathed and ready for bed.
Finally you get to bed and remember, shit I forgot to have them brush their teeth.

You look around and see that you do have 2 extra bodies in bed with you and think…

This is good; it is nice to have a little company in bed.

You hug them, and go to sleep knowing that the sun is always going to come up in the morning and this is ok, because you are blessed with these beautiful kids in your life.

You ask yourself….

How did I ever get myself in this mess?

Then you remember… I married that douche bag.

And then you look at your kids and say to yourself, “This wasn’t a mistake, because I have them.” And smile knowing you are growing stronger every day.

Yes, the thing about single moms is we do get stronger and tougher. 

  • We find that we can solve any problem that comes our way.
  • We learn to take one day at a time.
  • We learn to appreciate what we do have in our lives, like food to eat, roof over our heads and clothes on our backs.
  • We learn that memories are what counts, not material things.
  • We learn that we can have fun with our kids doing little things like chasing each other around in the yard (if we are lucky enough to have one) or the park.
  • We learn to live simple and know life can change quickly, so enjoy every moment.

As single moms we are survivors and our children are strong.

They grow up to appreciate what they have and know what to be grateful for.
They know what working together means and you can always count on the love.
They learn that it is what is inside a person that counts, not what they look like or wear on the outside.

There is one thing that I don’t want to leave out and I believe this is true of most single moms.

We learn to pray and become more spiritual.

There are those times we just can’t come up with an answer…whether it is finances or problems with the kids or just wandering what we are going to eat tomorrow.

 WE PRAY!

Help can come in many forms and unexplained ways, but it does seem to come even if it is at the last second.

I remember one time when the rent was due and I was $400.00 short.  I prayed and prayed.  Low and behold there was a knock on my door.  It was my Pastor.  He handed me a check for (You guessed it) $400.00 and said, “We thought maybe you could use this.”

Life is hard as a single mom, but we learn a lot…

  • Like how to fix a leaking water faucet.
  • How to mow the lawn.(If we are lucky enough to have one).
  • How to put furniture together that needs assembled.
  • How to kill spiders instead of screaming and running.
  • How to be the good guy and the nice guy when it comes to raising our kids.
  • We learn that wearing the same clothes year after year isn’t so bad
  • We learn that having fewer shoes; you have more space in your closet.
  • We learn to keep going no matter what.
  • We know how to unstop any plumbing and fix the pipe if need be.
  • We can shovel show in the winter time even after dark.  (A new pair of gloves would be nice for Christmas.)

Don’t ever under estimate the power of a single mom…

You name it and she can wear that hat.  Yes, she gets tired and a little lonely at times.

So if you know a single mom, don’t judge her, but go up to her and give her a big hug.  Let her know she is a good mom and life has its valleys and hills, and that mountain she is climbing will turn into a meadow some day.

Are you a single mom or do you know one?

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Comments

  1. Hi Debbie,

    Wonderful post indeed 🙂

    Absolutely not! I think being a single Mom takes a lot of courage and patience. I’ve never been one, but I have many friends and family who are single Moms and I see them manage SO much more as compared to those who aren’t single.

    I guess when we are not single Moms and have a spouse, we tend to become dependant on him for many things. Speaking of myself, I’d never go and mow the lawn, or fetch a plumber for leakages, or do most of the bank or financial tasks, because it’s mostly a man’s job right from the start. But when you are alone and you know you have NO ONE to take care of all these things, you get that inner strength to handle it all.

    Actually that strength lies dormant within us and doesn’t show up till a crisis arises. When you are single, you know you have the additional responsibility of taking care of your house, outside affairs, and also your kids – you need to step in and play the role of a Mom and a Dad, both. All I can say is hats-off to all those single Moms out there who are doing so well for themselves….they are true achievers I’d say. 🙂

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
    Harleena Singh recently posted…Quality Of Life – Let’s Understand It BetterMy Profile

    • Hi Harleena,

      Yes, it is hard being a single mom. One thing that I have learned though is when you do or if you do find that new partner it is hard to go back to letting someone help you. You get so use to doing everything that you forget you now have help.

      thank you for offering the positive support to single moms, because they do need it.
      Hugs and again you are the best.:)
      Debbie
      Debbie recently posted…Is Death Better Than Being A Single Mother?My Profile

  2. Debbie:

    Thank you so much. I was raised by a single mom and I thought I knew how hard it was for her, and then I recently got divorced (he is turning out to be a dead beat quickly) and found out how truly hard it is.

    Fortunately, I currently have a great job so financial issues are not a worry (yet). It is the emotional toll of not having someone there as backup or to catch me when I am drowning in work, house and activities that I am finding the hardest part.

    My biggest worry was where was I going to get good male role models for my son. I would like to say thank you to all of the Dads at my son’s activities for realizing quickly his Dad is not around and, instead of asking questions about where is father is or treating him as an outsider, bringing him into the fold and joking, wrestling with him just as they are their own sons.

    • Hi Christy,
      It is so great that the Dad’s in your sons activities are picking up the slack for your son. Bless their hearts.
      It is very hard when you don’t have someone to back you up and it is up to you to do everything. Cooking, cleaning, laundry, activities for the kids, school with the home work and the list goes on.
      Keep your cvhin up Christy and remember you will come out strong and so will your son.
      Blessing to you,
      Debbie
      Debbie recently posted…Is Death Better Than Being A Single Mother?My Profile

  3. Dear Debbie – I remember those days – or nightmares. Depressing to remember.

    It did one thing for me. One day, the gas company turned off my heat in the winter.

    SOMETHING CLICKED.

    I would never be that poor again.

    My ex-husband was all the things you listed. Besides, he drank.

    And I never was that poor again. Any fears I had were just SHOVED aside. Not pushed.

    More guts than luck. I started selling real estate and any person who walked in the office was going to buy a house. They just didn’t know.
    Corinne Edwards recently posted…ARGUMENT FOR ONE – How to Win – from Sales, Lies and Naked Truths – on AmazonMy Profile

    • You go girl. I can just see it know. With your determination Those people didn’t stand a chance.

      Being a single mother is hard, but at the same times it can bring the best out of us. You are a great example in the fact that single motherhood makes us stronger!!!
      Thank Corinne for sharing this, it can help other single mothers know that we can survive and become much stronger and determined than we every imgined. Love it and you always make me smile.

      Hugs to you,
      Debbie
      Debbie recently posted…Is Death Better Than Being A Single Mother?My Profile

  4. Ah, what an awesome post! I’m not a single mother (I thank God daily for my loving, hard working, supportive husband), but my best friend is. I’ve learned from her how hard it can be raising kids on your own and not having someone else as a sounding-board to bounce things off when you’re not sure. We who raise our kids with a supportive partner have to be so thankful for that. Even if we don’t have fancy things, having a father/mother for our kids is one of the biggest blessings of family life.
    Anne recently posted…Confidence And ForgivenessMy Profile

    • You are right Anne having both a father and mother for our kids is a blessing even when you don’t have all the fancy things.

      That reminds me, I often wonder if it is really worth the fancy things for kids, when both parents are working just to live in the right place and in the right house and fancy cars?
      Or would kids in todays world be better off with less stuff and more one on one time with there parents?
      Your friend is very lucky to have you as a friend. Many times when a woman gets a divorce she can find that her friends leave. They feel they don’t have anything in common with her anymore. (I did find out those ladies weren’t really my friends after all)

      I was luck enough when I was single mom to have a sister and mother that I could bounce things off when I really needed too. Having a support group behind you is very important.
      Thank you for stopping by and sharing.
      Debbie
      Debbie recently posted…Is Death Better Than Being A Single Mother?My Profile

  5. Hi Debbie, I identify with so many of your comments. Wow, it was hard work, and I felt like the big bad wolf, and a complete failure because I could not give them all the things I wanted or needed to. But, and its a big BUT, they are now wonderful women, who I am very proud of……….
    and the creep who walked out on them missed out on so much, watching them grow into these wonderful women, having that special hug, celebrating their successes, whoever big or small.

    He missed out on the miserable and scary times too. But on balance I would not have missed any of it.
    Thanks for sharing, it has brought up so many emotions. Wendy

    • Hi Wendy,
      I hope when it comes to the emotions it brought back, that there are some great memories in them. I know what you mean about the father missing out on so much.

      The scary times are worth it when you see who they have become.
      My ex did surface after they had there own families, but didn’t spend much time with them. This year when he was dying from cancer they did see him and spend time with him. I think it was more for them than him though. They just didn’t want any regrets, which I total agree with.
      Thank you for sharing, and as single mothers we are survivors.
      Debbie
      Debbie recently posted…The Most Mind Blowing Thing Parents Can Do For Their Children.. And It Is EasyMy Profile

  6. Being a single mom is really hard specially if you’re not receiving any child support from your ex. As a parent, it’s our role to make sure we could able to get what meant for our kids are.

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