An Open Letter To Mother’s And Mother’s To Be

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mother_block_wordsI would like to share this story of a mother talking to her daughter about having a child.  The author is unknown, so if by chance anyone knows who I can give credit to please let me know.

A Mother’s Story to Her Daughter

“We are sitting at lunch one day when my daughter casually mentions that she and her husband are thinking of “starting a family.”  “We’re taking a survey,” she says half-joking. “Do you think I should have a baby?”

“It will change your life,” I say, carefully keeping my tone neutral.

“I know,” she says, no more sleeping in on weekends, no more spontaneous vacations.”

But that is not what I meant at all.  I look at my daughter, trying to decide what to tell her.  I want her to know what she will never learn in childbirth classes.

  •     I want to tell her that the physical wounds of child bearing heal, but becoming a mother will leave her with an emotional wound so raw that she will forever be vulnerable.
  •     I consider warning her that she will never again read a newspaper without asking, “What if that had been MY child?”
  •     That every plane crash, every house fire will haunt her.
  •     That when she sees pictures of starving children, she will wonder if anything could be worse than watching your child die.
  •     I look at her carefully manicured nails and stylish suit and think that no matter how sophisticated she is, becoming a mother will reduce her to the primitive level of a bear protecting her cub. 
  •     That an urgent call of “Mom!” will cause her to drop a soufflé or her best crystal without a moment’s hesitation.
  •     I feel that I should warn her that no matter how many years she has invested in her career, she will be professionally derailed by motherhood.
  •     She might arrange for childcare, but one day she will be going into an important business meeting and she will think of her baby’s sweet smell. 
  •     She will have to use every ounce of discipline to keep from running home, just to make sure her baby is all right.
  •     I want my daughter to know that every day decisions will no longer be routine.  That a five year old boy’s desire to go to the men’s room rather than the women’s at McDonald’s will become a mayor dilemma.  That right there, in the midst of clattering trays and screaming children, issues of independence and gender identity will be weighed against the prospect that a child molester may be lurking in that restroom.
  •     However decisive she may be at the office, she will second guess herself constantly as a mother.

Looking at my attractive daughter…

I want to assure her that eventually she will shed the pounds of pregnancy, but she will never feel the same about herself.

That her life, now so important, will be of less value to her once she has a child.  That she would give herself up in a moment to save her offspring, but will also begin to hope for more years, not to accomplish her own dreams, but to watch her child accomplish theirs.

I want her to know that a cesarean scare or shiny stretch marks will become badges of honor

My daughter’s relationship with her husband will change, but not in the way she thinks.

  • I wish she could understand how much more you can love a man who is careful to powder the baby or who never hesitates to play with his child.
  • I think she should know that she will fall in love with him gain for reasons she would now find very romantic.
  • I wish my daughter could sense the bond she will feel with women throughout history who have tried to stop war, prejudice and drunk driving.
  • I want to describe to my daughter the exhilaration of seeing your child learn to ride a bike.
  • I want to capture for her the belly laugh of a baby who is touching the soft fur of a dog or cat for the first time.
  • I want her to taste the joy that is so real it actually hurts.

My daughter’s quizzical look makes me realize that tears have formed in my eyes, “You’ll never regret it,”  I finally say,  Then I reached across the table, squeezed my daughter’s hand and offered a silent prayer for her, and for me, and for all the mere mortal women who stumble their way into the most wonderful of callings.

This unknown author says a silent prayer for her daughter and this is why!

  1. Yes, the child bearing wounds will heal, because you are too busy living through the maze of love, frustration and daily needs to remember anything else.
  2. There are days you wonder how you every got yourself in this mess and wish you could put this bundle of joy back into the womb before you really mess it up from the second guessing.
  3. There are days that you’ll wish you had NOT taught that little angel how to walk or talk.  You get tired from running after them and you have no idea what just came out of their mouth or where they learned it.  
  4. You spend half the day telling them to stop talking and sit down.  (As a toddler you may even figure out how to build a corral to keep them in one place.)
  5. You can’t wait for the day they can dress themselves, bathe themselves or walk to the car own their own without you having to pack a suitcase to go anywhere.
  6. Your skin will get tougher has the years go by because of the ‘I hate you’ that come out of their mouths.
  7. You will learn to laugh rather than cry.
  8. At times you are going to wonder where this child even came from and tell your friend that it is your husband’s kid and it just lives with you.
  9. You will remember those days when they were a toddler and you knew where they were and wish for those days again, because they are now out with their friends and you just pray they come home safe.

To sum it up Motherhood is the most wonder job you can take on and you are going to grow as a person in order to survive. 

The one thing that you want to teach them is values, morals and how to handle money and finances, so they never return home to live once they fly from the nest.

Visits are wonderful, but they need a home of their own to always go back too.

If I left anything out, drop it in the box below and let me know how you’re   parenting days are going and how you have changed since becoming a parent.

 

 

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Comments

  1. Hi Debbie,

    That was beautiful indeed 🙂

    Whosoever wrote that did a pretty good job of penning down almost everything within those lines, and all of them are true. Motherhood isn’t easy, neither is fatherhood for that matter. But just as they say a mothers job is never done, and that’s what happens as she’s working day in and day out just caring and loving her kids, family, and husband. Not to mention the sacrifices she makes, the pain she takes, all that she undergoes all through her life – literally living for her kids.

    Nevertheless, mothers wouldn’t have it any other way – isn’t it? I hope though that all new moms to be are prepared for motherhood and shouldn’t take it lightly, and all other moms take care to raise good humans more than anything else.

    I also wish kids would appreciate and value their parents more for all that they do for them, and when they realize all of this, it sometimes becomes rather late.

    Thanks for sharing. Have a nice week ahead 🙂
    Harleena Singh recently posted…Why You Should be Respecting the ElderlyMy Profile

    • Hi Harleena,

      You are right parenthood (mother or father) is one of the most rewarding, but hardest jobs there is. And as a parent we wouldn’t want it any other way.

      You mention, “I also wish kids would appreciate and value their parents more for all that they do for them, and when they realize all of this, it sometimes becomes rather late.” I know what you mean and I wonder if the problem is that there is so much interaction on the internet these days that we get to busy with it rather than paying attention to real people, like our parents. Also parents now days have children in so many actives that there isn’t much time for anything else. maybe the world as gotten to busy?

      Thank you for sharing and the wisdom that you add to any post, Harleena.
      debbie recently posted…An Open Letter To Mother’s And Mother’s To BeMy Profile

  2. Darlene at BlogBoldly says:

    What a beautiful letter to your daughter.. oh and so true.

    Being a mom has to be one of god’s greatest gifts. 🙂

    Lovin’ your new blog!

    ~ darlene

  3. Hi Debbie,

    Parenthood, but especially motherhood can be a joy and a challenge. I don’t think young parents think about what will be coming down the road. The grade school years are a joy for most, the teenage years are a challenge for most. When the kids come back and visit as adults, it is fun to see where their lives take them. It is a fun to be a mother. The issues don’t ever end, but I wouldn’t have it any other way. I’m blessed to have my three children. Hope you had a Happy Mother’s Day!
    Cathy Taughinbaugh recently posted…Are You the Parent of an Addicted Child Who Needs Resources?My Profile

    • Yes, Cathy motherhood can be a challenge and a joy. Hopfully for most of us there is more joy than challenge. Even with the challenges that come alone, we can overcome them because of the love flowing from our hearts.

      I did have a very happy mothers day and hope yours was the same. From reading your blog Cathy you are a wonderful mother and very strong. You are a blessing and thank you for sharing.
      debbie
      debbie recently posted…An Open Letter To Mother’s And Mother’s To BeMy Profile

    • Hi Cathy,

      I had a great mothers day Cathy. Yes, being a mother is one of the greatest things in the world. The issues never do stop, but they sure help us grow as a person. Those teen years are the biggest challenge for any parent. It is so important to keep that communication going.
      Thanks Cathy for stopping by.
      debbie recently posted…The Great Hospital Hoax And I Am Not JokingMy Profile

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