4 Words Your Husband Does Not Want to Hear You Say!

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Sometimes when talking to our better half we like to say things that as ladies we don’t think much about, but men have a different way of hearing things than we do.  It is important to remember this.

What do you think those 4 words that I have mentioned would be?

They are: “WE NEED TO TALK.”

Those four little words scare the crap out these wonderful gentlemen we love.  Now I realize if someone says to us ladies, “We need to talk”, we would just say, “OK, what do you want to talk about?”  And be very interested in what needed to be said.

Not so much for these guys!  There first thought is, “What did I do wrong.”

When it comes to men they are always trying to please us, make us happy and take good care of us, so when these 4 words are spoken they feel like they are not doing their job right.  That they have failed.

There first and only thought is, “What did I do wrong?”

The question is when you want to a talk how should you approach this?  After talking to some husbands and getting there take on this, this is what we need to remember to do.

Start a conversation with them, talking about your day and asking them about their day; Making it very casual.  After the conversation goes for awhile you can than stay, “Oh, by the way” and lead into what you want to talk about.

Let’s say you have been having a lot of trouble with little Johnny when your man is away from home and you really need to talk to him about this.  He comes home after a hard day at work and you are pulling your hair out because Johnny tied the cat in his little wagon so it wouldn’t keep jumping out.  He took crayon and wrote on the walls and the list just keeps getting bigger as the day wore on.

You need some help and you need it now.  Hubby walks in the door and you say, “Hi, honey how was your day?”  You calmly listen and then he asks you how your day was.  You start by telling him the good parts, maybe thrown in a little humor that you are still alive and then say, “Oh, by the way, I could sure use some help or advice on what to do with little Johnny.”

See how you are not using those 4 words, but at the same time you are going to be able to have a talk about this situation, without scaring the crap out of poor hubby.

You are now turning “We need talk” into letting your wonderful man save you. And that is what he wants to do.  Men want to be your knight in shining armor and that is what you have done for him.

He is going to love and appreciate you all the more!

Let’s take another example of how to handle those 4 words.  He gets up on a Saturday morning and is just taking his time and you are thinking about that to –do- list.  You just want to get the show on the road, but he just doesn’t seem to care.  Finally you are running out of patience and about ready to say those four words “We Need To Talk!”

Stop yourself and start a conversation.  Something like this, “It sure is a nice day and what are your plans for the day?”  He will tell you, but it is not what you would like done.  That is when you bring in “On, by the way” and list some of the things you feel need done.  You have gotten your point across without scaring the crap out of him.  He knows that you want those things done, but you haven’t made him feel like he has failed or did anything wrong.

Now for the big example:  The marriage just isn’t looking good.  He is working or always busy with something and you haven’t been spending anytime together.  He has no idea how you are feel, but you are ready to explode.  You can start by getting him to talk about work or sports (guys love that one) and just keep the conversation casual.  After awhile say, “Oh, by the way” and proceed to tell him that you are feeling left out. (What every your emotions are telling you; now is the time to express them).  He will appreciate you opening up to him without making him feel he has done something wrong.

With that said, how many times have you used those 4 words without realizing what emotions it brings to the surface for your loving man?

I know that I have used those words before, but I have erased them from my mind after I was told about them.

How do you handle the situation when you need to talk to that special man of yours?  Guys I would really appreciate your take on this, how would you like that sweet lady of yours to approach the subject when she needs to talk?

Let’s start the conversation by giving me your thoughts on those 4 words, “We Need to Talk.”!   

Thank you for sharing.



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  1. Nancy Shields says:

    Interesting post my friend Debbie and great points. I don’t like t use “we need to talk” it’s to urgent and envokes alot of negativity before you even open up your mouth. So instead like you said, we talk and then whatever is concerning me gets slid in smoothly and nicely. With a positive approach and with LOVE….

    I guess the important thing is to do it all in LOVE!

    In gratitude,

  2. Chukwuka Okwukwe Chukwuka says:

    Lol. Even when my mom or someone else says that to me, it freaks me out and a thousand-and-one thoughts starts flying into my head to make their way.

    I prefer you going straight to what you have to tell me.

    “We Need To Talk” to me means you want to beat around the bush and beating around the bush means there might be something negative up your sleeves.

    Scored 100% in this, Debbie.

    Warmest Regards,
    Chukwuka Okwukwe Chukwuka recently posted…Breaking News: I Speak Mathematics!My Profile

    • Hi Chukwuka,

      I love the way you put that. “means you want to beat around the bush and beating around the bush means there might be something negative up your sleeves.”
      I don’t know about something up the sleeve, but is sure does mean beating around the bush and maybe not know just how to start talking about what ever maybe on our minds.

      thank you for the score of 100% I really appreciate that.
      Blessing to you and thank you for sharing you thought when someone says this to you, even mom! LOL

  3. Hi Debbie,
    Those words give me a chuckle…..they can be intimidating. Though when I’m in trouble, I get silence. Thank you &
    be good to yourself
    David Stevens recently posted…The Imagination series (Episode 7…final curtain call)My Profile

    • Hi David,

      I like the way you put that intimidating. As women we don’t look at them this way, but it sure is nice to learn how men look at different words and be able to remember how they affect you, so we don’t use them.

      I find that when a lot of men they think they are in trouble get silent. My hubby tells me that he gets silent because he just doesn’t know what to say when this happens.

      Thank you for sharing your take on these 4 words.
      blessing always, David,

  4. Agreed with you 100%. We don’t blame the women, sometimes we do say things that turn them off as well. Just haven’t figured out what are that particular words yet.
    david recently posted…Garden Fence IdeasMy Profile

    • Hi David,

      I don’t have all the right words when speaking to the guys,. so don’t feel bad. The important thing is when our partner or spouse saying something using certain words or tones we don’t care for is to commonly let them know. That way we learn from each other. Also asking them how they would like us to tell them something. It is all about communication. When in doubt ask questions.
      Thank you David for sharing your thought on these 4 words. I do appreciate it.
      Blessing to you,

  5. Hi Debbie,

    Enjoyed your post. Those four little words do bring up negativity, that’s for sure. I feel like I usually just get to the point, but it is a wonderful reminder to think about how you phrase your words, and you will be able to enjoy a receptive response.
    Cathy recently posted…How to Feel Empowered When Your Child is Addicted: 7 TipsMy Profile

    • Hi Cathy,

      It is amazing what words can say when we really don’t mean it that way. Words can bring smiles to the face or tears to the eyes. The key I believe is to stop and think before we speak and than we can enjoy a receptive response like you say.
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts on 4 little words.
      blessing to you,

  6. Hi Debbie,

    Again I feel as if you are speaking directly to me with this post.

    I have encountered many times before when my wife used the four word or something equivalent. It always involves a lot of unpleasant and negative stuff. Mainly about security issues. I like the ways you have described to bring up certain subjects, and I could also testify that when women engage us as shining knights coming to the rescue we do feel good.

    Some of the reasons why we dislike conversations in a confrontational tone is because women do take a long time to express their thoughts and feelings. Things we men will only take a sentence to complete. That’s for me. Not sure about other men. But I generally feel that time is precious and it is best if we get to the point. I know my wife is otherwise. She likes the time to cover things elaborately.
    Jimmy recently posted…What is Personal Development?My Profile

    • Hi Jimmy,

      Jimmy I printed out a picture of you and laid it right beside me while I was writing this post. It must work since you felt I was talking to you. LOL!
      I do have to admit that women do try to drag things out sometimes. We like to make a short a story long. Don’t ask me why, because I haven’t figure that one out yet. I’ll work on it. OK.
      You are right we do need to get to the point and stop messing around. Thank you very much for sharing these thoughts with me and my readers. It really gives me some in site to you nice gentlemen.
      Blessing to you and maybe you can give the little lady this post. Some one had to tell me about these 4 words. You can do it gently. LOL

  7. So true, Debbie. Whenever I get a little too “big for my britches” my wife need only utter those words to snap me right back into reality 🙂 . In a harmonious relationship we must be aware of the subtle psychological triggers we are capable of switching. If we are truly interested in living in the mood of the solution, we must see the power of how we language our lives.
    rob white recently posted…Life is in the LanguageMy Profile

    • Hi Rob,

      Yes, indeed. How we language our lives makes a world of differences. I like the way you say, “big for my britches.” Guess those 4 words are a way of getting hubbies feet planted back on the ground. Never thought of it that way. (you made me smile, Rob)

      We do have to learn those psychological triggers of the once we love, so that we only use them to help the relationship, and not to hurt one another with them.

      Thank you Rob for you thought when it come to these 4 words. I always appreciate it.
      Blessing always,

  8. Hi Debbie!

    You are 100% right! Men always have a way with their words. They tell the most serious thing in a very easy manner. While women make a big fuss using these four danger words, men convey their point while walking or eating. It is tough for women to control emotions but they need to use this trick in order to prevent us from getting infuriated.

    Thanks for the interesting post!

    • Hi Leo,

      Men can tell things in a very easy manner. I’ll give that one to you. As for us ladies, we do have to make things a little more dramatic and drawn out. OOPS!

      Good relationships come down to understand these trait in one another.
      Thank you for sharing and I shall work on controlling my emotions, but not to the point where I lose who and what I am.
      Thank again and blessing always, Leo

  9. Words are very important. One must be impeccable while using words and measure each and every word before they are spoken out. Not just women, but there are many people who fail to realize this. “We need to talk” feels sounds its all over now except ‘a talk’. Surely, they have a great impact on how will men take what you speak after you have spoken these four danger words. Thanks for the informative post!

    • Hi Steve,

      Words are very important and they can make or break and relationship very easily. I like they way you say, “feels sounds its all over now except ‘a talk’ when theses 4 words are spoken. They are very dangerous words and I am glad that I have learned this. I just love sorting through the difference in men and women. It is very interesting and fascinating.
      Thank Steve for sharing your comment with me and my readers. I always appreciate it.
      Blessing to you,

  10. Frankly, I don’t say that 4 words to hubby, his blood pressure might rise instantly, since it has a notion that something serious just pop out. I always have the way of swaying conversation so it won’t mean too heavy for him, or with the kids, most often, I make a nice introduction than go directly to the point. How you deliver words has a great impact on anybody.

    • You are right, how your deliver words does have a great impact on anybody. I like that you don’t use those for words on hubby or the kids. Swaying the conversation and than working into what you need to talk about is great.
      Thank you for sharing your thoughts with me, it is always appreciate many bunches.

  11. Akos Fintor says:

    Hello Debbie,

    The ” We need to talk” is (least) favorite.
    When that line is said (by my wife) I know that probably something small, insignificant matter is going to be blown way out of proportion in minutes.
    Ps: Why women can’t just say what they want without an intro???

    Thanks for the share! Enjoyed it!

    • Hi Akos,

      I don’t no why we can’t say something with out the intro???, but hey by me blogging about it maybe that will help in some small way. I am trying to make it a little easier on you gentlemen. Keep in mind, “All good things take time.”

      Thank you for sharing you least favorite words. LOL I do appreciate it .
      Blessing to you,

  12. Same for kids. Whenever I would say we needed to talk, they would respond, Are we in trouble?!
    Galen Pearl recently posted…Reflection on the JourneyMy Profile

  13. So true Debbie.

    After 26 years of marriage, nothing goes well after hearing, “We need to talk.” Mary Beth and I are now learning to talk more along the way so these words can be eliminated, forever.


  14. Hi Debbie,

    Yea, I think this applies to many of us men, but not all. When the woman of my life tells me we need to talk, I just say ok. I know she wants something, not that I did something wrong. It all depends on the way a man interprets those words. 😉 Thanks for sharing my friend

  15. This was a fun read, Debbie!

    So true too. Oh those ominous words! And oh the shadow they cast! Haha! We guy types do like to get straight to the point usually. That, “We need to talk” heart-stopper means we better cancel a few appointments, change into something comfortable and settle in for a long and cold winter! Lol!

    Men and women truly are from different planets. But that’s what makes it all so wonderful too! My wife and I learn so much from each other. And I have to admit. Those words are usually well-deserved! 🙂

    Thanks, Debbie! Great post!

    PS: You were quoted back at my place!
    Ken Wert recently posted…Random Acts of Wisdom: Wise Comments from Wise ReadersMy Profile

    • Hi Ken,

      Thank Ken, you made me laugh! Just love this part, That, “We need to talk” heart-stopper means we better cancel a few appointments, change into something comfortable and settle in for a long and cold winter! Lol!
      Get comfortable and settle in for a long cold winter. Men and women are definitely from different planets. Always loved that book for John Gray. I think it should be a must read for couples. We can learn from each other and it can be fun when we take the time.

      Thank you very much for the comment. Made my day. Blessing to you always. And thank you for quoting me. Do appreciate that.

  16. I think many of the things you said apply to many of us men! I know some won’t agree, but you’ve nailed it in my opinion.

  17. Chicago Home Improvement says:

    That Dad has great humor. But seriously, open communication is a must for any relationship. Thanks for the tips.

  18. You speak the truth. All problems (or at least most of them) can be solved if you are discussing them with your family. Sacrifices has to be done in order to maintain a healthy family atmosphere .

    • You are right. All problem can be solved when discussed and it does make for a healthy family atmosphere. Lack of communication will destroy any relationship. However it is important to use the right words at times. Being tactful does make a difference and respect the one you are communicating with.
      thank very much for sharing your thoughts.
      Blessing always,

  19. Anna Garces says:

    I am a tackles woman and my marriage with my husband has been a roller coaster for a while. I have been reading a lot during those times… and I came up to read about How To Save My Marriage Today and it worked for me. Now with regards to your post, I would definitely agree that men has a different perception than of women and they interpret it the different way. As a wife or a partner I think it is also best if we know those kind of details to keep our relationship with our partners healthy.

  20. I make a nice introduction than go directly to the point. How you deliver words has a great impact on anybody.thanks for sharing this to us…

  21. Thank you for the true words. I dont think any married couple like this 4 words. Congrats to the author. Thanks for sharing.

    • Thank you for the kind words. I agree that no married couple should use those 4 words. As some of my readers have pointed out, we should watch them also with children.
      Thank you for sharing and have a wonderful day.

  22. Lovely Chu says:

    Thank you for sharing this wonderful post. t’s a great help to all of us. But honestly even myself, if i hear this 4 words I too got this creepy feeling that I did something wrong. Your post is also an wakening to all of us who are in a relationship, that we must be careful with what we have to say.


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